still sailing south (theironycurtain) wrote,
still sailing south
theironycurtain

Your dill has gone to seed

I've tried to wash you out of my hair.  I've diluted your memory with drink, with drug, with physical exertion, sleep.  With new visages, new friends, new men, new orgasms.  Yet, once I'm still, my thoughts always return to you.

You called me your partner.  You said you trusted me.  Said you believed in us.  That you wanted me to be the person you spent the rest of your life alongside.  You warmed my heart to 1000 degrees, & then left me ablaze.

You're everything I've wanted in a partner & more.  I don't even know some of the most amazing parts of you and I am already, inconsolably in love.  Maybe I idealized, or romanticised you in some ways, but I am a fair judge.

I want to wake up with you.  & not just rolling over to see your face every morning.  I want to turn the lights on around us.

I feel lost & uncertain, & even though I maybe was lost & uncertain before..it wasn't something I had to worry about while I was with you.

I'm running in circles without you, just trying to figure out whether the spiral is leading up or down.
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